I'm Mad as Hell and I Can't Take It Anymore.

Seriously? There are mega churches having services? Guess what people? Jesus ain’t gonna protect you from a VIRUS. In fact, if Jesus came back right now and saw how stupid people were acting “in his name” he would be like “Byeeeeee Felicia.” No rapture for you. Dude would be pissed. You say you love Jesus? Then help THY Neighbor by not infecting them. The Lord can hear your prayer in places OTHER than church. Thy shalt not be an asshole. Do on to others as you would have done to you, JERK.

Even better… there’s the Spring Breakers not giving a fuck if they kill old people. Hello??? Florida is FULL of old people. But fuck it, they’ve had a hard semester. Their college courses were so demanding and their lives were so hard and so deserving of a vacation. KILLING me. I would normally call the news story about said Spring Breakers testing positive for the virus, “Social Darwinism.” But they aren’t just hurting themselves they’re gonna kill people. Literally. Because they had to have a beer on a beach in a bikini. Thanks again for killing Grandma and Grandpa. All the best to you and yours.

And again, do you want to know why this stupidity is happening STILL across this country? Because the “president” of this country has his head so far up his ass, all he can hear are the echoes of his lies. You’re not doing a tremendous job. You’re a Tremendous Tragedy. The head of your fucking task force had someone in his staff test positive. You’re not helping the governors who are literally screaming and begging for it. How long will it take before ALL of America realizes having him at the helm right now is the most dangerous thing for the entire world. Not just our country.

Everyone keeps saying “We’ve never had to deal with anything like this before.” But what did we do during World War II? Granted, there wasn’t a pandemic killing people, but there WAS an evil killing millions of people that we had to rise up against and fight. How did they get factories up and running to make what was needed? What about all the factories that have shut down? Couldn’t they make like factory worker hazmat suits? This is our time and I for one do NOT feel anywhere near like “The Greatest Generation.” I feel like we’re the Meh Generation. KILLING me.

People. Against our wishes maybe, this IS our time. If you see someone acting stupid, please, for the love of all Humanity, call them out on their bullshit. Just stay 6 feet away from them while you do it.

My Brush with Oprah's Dogs – Tales from Unemployment's past

Oprah with her dog Solomon. Credit: Oprah.com

I’ve been laid off from almost every real job I’ve had in my life so I’m pretty experienced at this whole unemployment thing.  In fact, I’ve been unemployed for over a year, 3 different times in my life. Once right after I turned 30, once as I was about to turn 40 and now as I’m literally on the verge of 50. Not gonna lie, there have been some really shitty times to endure during all of that.  But every once in a while, something great happened.  This story is about one of those times.

Picture it…Chicago. Like 2004ish.  Oprah was THE Goddess of daytime TV as we all know her to be.  I had a serious thing for Oprah back then. Working at Harpo would have made me spontaneously combust in excitement.   I had been in Chicago for a couple of years already and was still trying to get my career started again.  I had been a broadcast producer when I lived in Seattle before I got laid off, divorced and moved back across the country. (Not necessarily in that order) I wanted to find something, anything in production if possible.  I signed up with like 1000 different staffing agencies and was temping for a while.  Then I got a call.  “We have a position we want to submit you for.  It’s with a production company, but we can’t say who yet until we know if they want to interview you.”  Um, ok.  Yes, please submit me.  I called my sister and we giggled about how awesome it would be if it was Oprah.  “Holy Shit!  Can you even imagine?” I said to her.

Next day.  I got THE Call.  They wanted to meet me… AND it WAS Harpo Studios.  It WAS for a position on the Oprah Winfrey Show.  Ok, so it was Assistant to the Assistant to the Executive Producer of the Oprah Winfrey Show, but still. I immediately called my sister and we proceeded to lose our minds over the phone.  Interview was in 2 days. That day, I spent the money on a cab to Harpo even though it was on the Southwest side and nowhere near my apartment.  I didn’t want to be late.   After I got buzzed in I walked into a VERY grand 2 story entrance way with a huge staircase UP, that led to a reception desk at the top with a HUGE painting of Oprah, I’m guessing in her childhood. Flat screen TVs everywhere showing tapings either live or from the previous day.  It became a constant effort to contain my giddiness. Not throw up. Or pass out.

This isn’t a normal interview process, its for fucking Oprah.  Can you imagine the crazies who apply here?  They need to really check you out before you can even interview with “the inside”.  A nice lady from HR came and got me from under Oprah’s childhood painting and led me on an odyssey through the building to the HR offices.  I can remember climbing up and down several stairwells to get there and at each of the landings was a huge photograph of Oprah with someone famous.  BAM! Oprah with Bono!  BAM! Nelson Mandela hugging Oprah!  BAM!  Maya Angelou and Oprah with hands raised in triumph!  I was like a wide-eyed kid in a candy store. Finally, after about a half hour interview, the HR lady deemed me not a sociopath and waved me onto the next step.  Psychological evaluation.  On paper.

It took almost an hour to take this psychological test.  I mean its not rocket science to figure out what answers they are looking for.  How do you handle high pressure? On a scale from freaking out to calmly suggesting positive solutions?  So… feeling pretty positive about my not being a psychopath, I waited for the next step.  THE interview.  The nice HR lady came back to lead me to what I will now call the Oprah Epicenter.  Back up and down several staircases.  Past more huge pics of Oprah with celebrities that were on her show at one time or another. Past people who are now lining up for her next taping.  Which means. SHE COULD BE IN THE BUILDING!!!!  Also, at the time it was Oprah’s 50^th birthday.  Now, if you were watching her show during that time you may remember seeing all the presents people sent her. From people like Nelson and Bono and Maya.  Yeah. I then walked past folding table after folding table of Oprah’s presents.  I was seriously 1 degree from Oprah.

Finally.  The Oprah epicenter. A circular space off to the side of the STAGE and OPRAH’S dressing room. It’s a small commissary with access to fresh fruits, healthy snacks and fancy water and there are several tables.  I sit and wait.  A somewhat icy young blonde in a very Vogue outfit comes walking up.  She’s in her mid-20’s.  I’m in my mid-30’s.  I would be HER assistant. But I don’t care anymore cause I’m in the Oprah epicenter and this whole day has been worth every damn minute.  “So like…why do you WANT this job?” in a tone of sheer disgust.  This is literally the first thing she says to me. “You’re not gonna get to interact with any stars.  You would be my assistant and totally not involved with any of that,” again sounding miffed that I was even there. So, I take a look around and then I decide to drop some info on her which I thought was pretty obvious.  “Well…Um…it’s the OPRAH WINFREY SHOW?  Who wouldn’t want to work here?  I’d sweep the floors in the hopes I’d be of some assistance to Ms. Winfrey and her whole enterprise.”  Ok, I didn’t exactly say those exact words, but I gave her the same sass back in any case.  Like what do you mean WHY would I want this job? What are you? Stupid? We talked for a smidge more, but I pretty much knew I wasn’t getting the job.  And I was right.  They thought I was “too overqualified.”  A term I have a love-hate relationship with.

Before I left that day and while the icy blonde was droning on about having someone come get me to escort me out, I noticed from the corner of my eye a furry being.  Then another.  In the direction of Oprah’s dressing room.  They were none other than OPRAH’s BELOVED COCKER SPANIELS, Solomon and Sophie!  Both laying down waiting for their mistress obediently as the HR lady came to walk me back to the grand entrance.  Past Oprah and Bono, past Oprah and Nelson, past all the 50^th birthday presents and fans awaiting the next taping. Right back to the grand staircase under Oprah’s childhood painting to which I took a long, deep breath. Then I descended said staircase like a 1940’s movie goddess, got in a cab and immediately called my sister.  The first thing out of my mouth was, “I SAW OPRAH’S DOGS!!!!”

Why are ya so dumb?

Humans are so dumb. WAKE UP. Corona Virus isn’t a hoax.  It wasn’t created by a witch hunt.  Its not fake news. I heard today that a friend’s family members just took a cruise.  LAST WEEK.  A fucking CRUISE.  What are ya dumb? Hmmm…I think I want to take a vacation in the middle of a pandemic.  Ooh a floating petri dish sounds great!  WHO are these people and what makes them tick? We HAVE to take this seriously.  Especially those of us living in big cities in close proximity of each other.  I mean; do I need to babyshake all of you? (I don’t actually condone baby shaking. I just like the visual it places into your head to make a point) Do you really want to be in quarantine for months?  Because this is far from over.  We still don’t have enough tests to even get an educated guess of how many cases there are.

Its not hard to understand why people are acting stupid though.  Trump threw paper towels at Puerto Ricans to “Fix” hurricane devastation.  This is what happens when the president calls the virus a hoax at a rally of thousands of people just WEEKS ago. Yes.  He ACTUALLY said that.  Just like he ACTUALLY made fun of a disabled person on live TV.  Just like he ACTUALLY said he could literally shoot someone on 5^th avenue and no one would care.   

That rally dog whistle told all those people, and all the thousands who are his base that watched live coverage on the TV…not to worry, not to care, not to listen about Corona Virus.  The bottom line is that the president is a lying liar who sits on a throne of lies.  Only now his DISinformation is literally killing people.

This man is dangerous. You can’t gaslight the American people for much longer when people are dying because we are unprepared and unwilling to isolate and take all the precautions.  Have you listened to his press conferences?  Do they make you feel safe?  Reason #987 why I raise dogs and cats instead of children.  I couldn’t even begin to know what to tell a child about what is going on right now let alone why that bad orange man on TV is our president.   Hopefully you can count on your local state and city officials and your governor for actual, factual and up to date information. 

So NOT Prepared.

Stay Safe and Sanitized people.

Anxiety in the time of CORONA VIRUS

I don’t know about you, but I have had anxiety issues since I was very little. I can remember not being able to catch my breath while playing with friends when I was 4 or 5. I didn’t know what it was for a very long time. I just thought I can’t breathe sometimes. I guess that’s normal. It wasn’t until my mid 20’s that a doctor actually told me what I was experiencing was anxiety.

30 years of therapy and finding meds that actually work helped. But what do you do when you’re constantly faced with very anxious life events? In the last 6 months, my husband was diagnosed with cancer and then I was laid off from my job which I’d been at for almost a decade. Now a pandemic is sweeping the globe and the “leader” of our country has his head up his ass. I ask you…whats a very anxious person to do?

Take a deep breath. Be thankful for what IS positive. Have gratitude. For so long in my life I would immediately turn towards the negative. It was instinctual like it was just part of my DNA. I’m pretty sure I came out of the womb anxious. In fact it’s been a fight everyday for me NOT to turn to the negative. Thankfully it has gotten easier, but it still sucks. So instead of diving into a shame spiral and thinking the worst, I force myself to be positive and calm. That’s the thing, we DO all have a CHOICE. Even if you have to force yourself!

The ironic thing is that I now feel lucky I’m unemployed. I was already self quarantined and I am at least getting unemployment and severance whereas there are millions of Americans who have lost their income without any safety. I am so happy that my husbands cancer treatment was completed before the quarantine because he was having to be at the hospital every day. I am also thankful that he is gainfully employed still and can work from home.

So even though things on the surface look sucktastic: cancer. layoff. deadly virus. I’m going to try and surround myself with positive. Mostly that will entail snuggling with the best dog in the world. What are you doing to find your calm and your peace? Until next time, stay safe and sanitized!

Best. Snuggler. Ever.

That Which Does not Kill You Makes You Stronger.

Hello Universe. Well I finally decided to bite the bullet and start a blog. Why? Well.. A. because I might lose my mind if I don’t release all the thoughts in my head somewhere and 2. as we are all self quarantining in this time of the Corona Virus, I figured I might have a more captive audience! 🙂

Really I just want to be able to rant and rave about all kinds of things and thoughts that run through my head. This seemed like a good place since standing on a corner yelling all of this would be a bad idea. Not just now, but anytime really. Mostly I rant and rave about politics, anxieties, pets, living in Chicago, family matters ie: MOTHERS, but really it could just be about something that flipped my skirt that day.

Also, did I mention I’m currently unemployed and on the verge of turning 50? Jealous? So there might be a few posts about being unemployed at this age because it’s literally so awesome!

So, I guess that is it for right now. I will try and post every day so keep an eye out for a FB link or subscribe if you like.